January 2018

On January the 1st, I flew from Pucallpa to Iquitos, where Maestro Heberto was waiting for me. At his place in the jungle I started start my year apprenticing with him, learning more about healing with the plants. I dieted several plants (‘dieting’ is a way of getting to know the plant inside out by fasting and taking the plant instead – drinking, bathing in it, meditating with it, et cetera), I did many ayahuasca ceremonies, countless rituals with water, fire, earth, stones, smoke and other elements. I learned a lot and realized how little I know even more.

I also traveled to Chavin in Peru, for a ritual week with my Tantra Family in the ancient temples – a magic time.

February 2018

In the beginning of February I came back to Iquitos to continue my journey with Maestro Heberto. After water fasting for a few days to deepen my process, my beloved Zelday arrived to deep-dive together. We went through a very special process where maestro Heberto worked with us as a Medicine Couple. I gave birth to a beautiful ‘spiritual baby’ that is still developing inside of me, guiding me from within … extremely precious …

March 2018

I was happy to see my son Milan again after some month in Peru and witness the way he becomes a young Independent man in his own authentic way.

Once back in The Netherlands our own medicine ceremonies and retreats started again. We started with a Sacred Cacao Ceremony, a small exclusive Ayahuasca retreat for some friends and guided a ritual at the Tantra Festival Amsterdam.

April 2018

In April my son Milan left the house to live by himself. He is a very independent boy and after staying a lot by himself during all my travels, he started to feel like he had his mother as a visitor in ‘his’ house, when I came back home. Time to find his own. I feel very proud of him for the decisive and responsible way that he took his life in his own hands this last year!

We guided an Ayahuasca retreat that was deeply influenced by the strong healing work of Maestro Heberto. Full of magic!

May 2018

In May the Ayahuasca retreat felt extra special, because Yvon was joining us and drinking for the first time. Yvon is the beautiful mother of Zelday’s children. It was so healing to share that medicine space with her as well! We did a beautiful Light Ceremony at daytime to bring everything literally into the Light and the bliss at the end of Ceremony, when we were all resting in – or running through – the grass outside was extremely nutritious.

In this months we also guided the first Sacred Union Retreat of the year. A retreat for men and women to heal the Masculine and Feminine forces within themselves and among each other and learn to stand healthily next to each other.

June 2018

In June my first nephew was born. I really enjoyed seeing my brother and good wife as beautiful and loving parents for this little new born boy. And I once again felt my own pain of my complicated pregnancy, the difficult and long birth, the loneliness and even despair I experienced so often at that time and the sadness of being a mom-alone most of the time. That bitter sweet dream in me about receiving and raising ‘our’ child together with a beloved is still so alive, though it will not happen anymore. There other babies to take care of in my life nowadays.

I finished the first edition of The Sacred Path, year training for women in Sisterhood. The closing weekend with Medicine rituals and  sweat lodge was very deep and special. Thanks to all the women that joined, contributed and gave themselves in their own unique way.

July 2018

Quite unexpectedly my beloved and I found ourselves on the beautiful, peaceful and calming island of Samos for a week of holiday. A much needed and longed for time together with nothing else to do than indulge in the sun, nature and each other. Simple fresh food, a little scooter to take us around and a lot of love.

Then we went to the Open Up Festival, where Zelday and I gave a couple of Medicine Concerts and a Tantra Ritual that was guided with a live sound healing. It was nice that Yvon and the kids came along.

August 2018

After spending a nice time at Open Up all together, we went camping in Belgium: my beloved, my Sister Yvon, their children and me. One big happy family. It was a wonderful time for all of us. After that we spent a couple of days in a yurt on a little private lake with sauna, with some close friends. Magic time.

Then I needed some time alone to finish writing the last part of my book. It kept changing and developing every time I picked it up, because of my own continuous transformation. I decided to really end it now: it is what it is.

When I went to the Lorelei Women Festival to give workshops and sessions as every year, Yvon came with me. I feel very grateful for the way we love being together!

We ended the month by doing an Opening Ceremony with Sacred Cacao and some Rapé Healing Rituals at the Healing Garden Festival, again joining as our whole extended family.

September 2018

In September I started with a new full group of women on a new edition of the Sacred Path. This group of women was in a bond of Sacred Sisterhood from the start. It’s beautiful to guide them through their transformation processes and be able to witness their sharings, struggles, highlights and victories from this close by.

The Ayahuasca retreat of September was a tough one, a group with a lot of deep pain and trauma. I can’t express how deeply grateful I feel after working for a couple of days and experiencing the deep healing, trust and togetherness that developed in the group over time. Gracias Madrecita!

Then my beloved and I attended the Tantra retreat of my Tantra Mama-Maestra, a beautiful way to dive in and realign together.

October 2018

October started with a few days in Ibiza, an invitation of a dear friend who rented a big house to be able to share time with many friends and from there I traveled on to the South of France for another Tantra retreat with the Kaula (my Tantra Family). I arrived with a flu that I picked up from others in Ibiza and ended up spending a lot of time in bed and by myself. Actually perfect for me at that time, since I had been among others so extensively lately. It was very nurturing to be with my beloved family in those beautiful mountains of France.

When I came back I had to dive straight on into the next Ayahuasca retreat, a very musically one with many participants sharing their music and songs. Loved it!

And then at the end of that October-rollercoaster I guided the Womb Wisdom Retreat in Belgium, hosted by one of the participants of last year’s retreat in Portugal. It was a beautiful edition with a lot of ‘home coming’ and transformation for many of the sisters. Raw, honest and healing.

November 2018

Half way November there was another edition of the Sacred Union Retreat, very different than the one in May. A big group of men and women that really shared from the core of their being about what it is like to be a (wo)men, what they need from each other, long for, don’t understand, wish to develop. Happiness, frustration, healing, excitement, all of it was shared into its depths. And we guided the last Mother Ayahuasca & Father Tobacco Healing Retreat of the year, again a beautiful group of brave people coming for healing, looking inside, open to transform. Our ceremonies keep developing and deepening, and often we ourselves are merely observing what is happening and unfolding in the safe healing womb that we create together, guided by our music and the master plants.

Working with the Medicine Plants in all kinds of sets and settings, Ayahuasca, Sacred Cacao, Mapacho Tobacco, Rapé, Blue Lotus and our homemade ceremonial grade Cannabis oil, I feel extremely grateful for all the trust, especially from the plants themselves.

December 2018

In December I -finally- finished off the last details of my book ‘Van Stoornis naar Gave’ (meaning something like ‘from disordered to gifted’), a book about my long, personal journey in transforming my bipolarity into my power. And the funny thing is that nowadays I feel more balanced and harmonious than most people around me! It will be available as from 23rd of April 2019 and you can preorder it here (preorders will be send to your home for free!)


I gave my last healing sessions and relationship coaching, rounded the first half of the Sacred Path (the year training in Sisterhood), finished my administration, cleared my house for the women that will live here in the coming months when I’m away and early celebrated my birthday – since I’my actual birthday (21st of January) I will be in the jungle again and I missed my birthdays.

December also brought quite some big challenges in my personal life, that used a lot of my time and energy, and asked from me to stay focused and fully aligned in my own light and life stream among some dear people very close to me that were going through rough times. I stayed home for the holidays this year, to be able to be together and celebrate with my loved ones. But my Christmas didn’t bring joy and happiness but yet another very big challenge with a lot of consequences. All I can do is trust, stay bright and present with All That Is. Growth often doesn’t come from a place of comfort…

For me, the base of whatever I do and bring is always (always!) in the light and clarity of my Tantra Path – internally guided by my Tantra Mother Pema, who is present in every song I sing.

My path of Tantra and Medicine Plants is so utterly clear to me… no doubt. Only the shape and form in which it all unfolds keeps changing…

So… NOW it’s high time to deep dive in my own healing space!!

Just like last year, I will fly to Iquitos, in Peru, I will be leaving on the 2nd of January 2019. There I will apprentice 2,5 months with Maestro Heberto and the medicinal plants in the jungle again, absorbing more and more healing lessons and let my path further unfold.

This year I am also bringing two groups of participants into that special place in the jungle of Iquitos – just like I did two years ago to Pucallpa to the Maestros I was working with at that time. Looking forward to share that space with them.