In January 2017 I was with my Kaula Tantra Family in the Sacred Valley of Peru for Sacred Medicine work. Although we had a beautiful retreat, I had a pretty tough time, trying to make any sense to what was happening between me and my partner and I couldn’t find it anymore… only pain. It finally resulted in making the painful decision to let go of this relationship. The end of January I went home for two weeks. I had been in Peru since the beginning of December and I would be there two more months as from February. I celebrated my birthday with dear friends, I spent some time with my son, gave a few sessions and ceremonies and sat a couple of nights in meditation with my now ex-partner, because we still had a tantric commitment till summer. We were trying to find out how to go about it. It seemed quite impossible… The moment I got back on the plane to Peru I set myself free from him and our connection.
In February and March 2017 I organised two Dietas in Peru, bringing people into the jungle to work with the Medicine Plants. Beautiful work. Myself I kept having visions about working with a man on my side. Yeah, sure. Of course! I longed for that since a looong time and knew it was the way for me to work together as man and woman in an equal way. In the experiences I either felt like the man wasn’t really taking his full position next to me or the man wasn’t able to cope with a strong woman by his side and kept fighting and trying to suppress me. So, yes please, working together with a man by my side! But… where are you??
In the second Dieta in March 2017 a good friend of me joined. He had come for our ceremonies in the year before and we instantly had a strong connection and were both looking forward to share some time in the jungle together. After the first ceremony ended, both of us were still very deep in the Medicine and we stayed together. Then it happened… from that very moment on, we were in the same Medicine Bubble. Feeling and seeing what the other felt and saw, sharing very strong experiences of being one with nature and even sharing the same visions. Night after night. In the last Medicine Ceremony we got an initiation as a ‘Medicine Couple’ and got the guidance to join our gifts in working together, getting blessings from the shaman we were working with as well as directly from the Plants! We walked out hand in hand, foot by foot, knowing that we would bring back this Sacred Consciousness together, out of the jungle into our own worlds.
I never had expected that this beautiful and musically gifted Viking would be My Man!! And he didn’t expect this either, so it took us a while to adjust to the idea of being together. As a Medicine Couple and… as the Lovers that we were, right from the start. But… deep down it wasn’t a question, it was so Crystal Clear that this is what we have to do! Beloved Zelday Hans Karssen, you are bringing back the word medicine to it’s most original form. Yes, and so do I…!
April 2017 I start with a little private retreat in the Airbnb of my amazing assistant and ‘right hand‘ Marie Louise. These days I continue writing the book about healing my ‘incurable’ bipolar disorder (a process that seems to take for ever – my second book is already writing itself but I don’t manage to finish the first one) and aligning things in the work flow with ML.
Hans and I start giving Cacao Ceremonies an individual sessions. Actually we had already given two sessions together in January when I was shortly in The Netherlands, because during my Dieta in December I’d had a complete download of how to work with a certain client of mine: while I had to follow a step by step plan given by te plants to open up her body and to dive deep inside of her energy to find the layer of her sickness, Hans had to open the cells of the body with the healing vibrations of his Sound Medicine. We continued to give sessions like this: a strong combination of my tantra energy and medicine voice and Hans’ soundscape. While the sounds and vibrations of Hans bring people into other states of consciousness and open them deeply on cellular level, my healing tantric touch deeply penetrates into their energy system. But even more than ‘just’ combining our gifts, something much bigger is happening. While tuning in on the person(s) we work with and plugging in this vast Medicine Space, we become mere tools of the Divine. It is not anymore us doing what we are so skilled at, all we ‘do’ is being fully available and co-operating with the proces that wants to happen ‘through us’. From the moment we tune in, our energies, sounds, vibrations, breaths and touches start merging and working together, creating this Sacred Space for people to fully be Who You Really Are and in this space miracles can happen.
May 2017 starts with a guidance from the Sacred Plants that I received in December: the Male Wisdom Retreat, a retreat for only men. This guidance had to come back a couple of times before I accepted it. I mean… who was I to guide men, as a woman? What was meant by a ‘Womb Wisdom’ Retreat for men anyway?! But slowly it started to become more clear, also what I as a woman could bring to men. It was a very precious experience, for the men as well as for me.
In May I also started The Sacred Path of the Wild Woman, a year training for women. We all work with a ‘compass’ to guide the direction of our transformation and my personal compass is ‘Purity’. Wow, this brought quite some intense changes in the rest of the year, as anything that is not pure made itself known and asked for action so as to fully align with my authentic Self.
I had two more Ayahuasca Retreats planned in May, together with the shaman I’d been working and singing with for quite a while. But in the first one something happened – on top of a long series of events that didn’t feel good – that made me decide to end my collaboration with him. I simply couldn’t continue anymore, because it wasn’t bringing the healing that I intend. It was an extremely difficult decision and the whole process had quite an aftermath in me… but it was the right thing to do.
For the second retreat that was already fully booked, I tried to find another shaman to work with, but then I got the message to do it myself. This again was a difficult decision but finally I agreed and guided this full retreat with three Ayahuasca Ceremonies together with Hans and it was the most beautiful thing ever. Yes, we definitely are a Medicine Couple!
“It was expanding consciousness on a new level! Such amazing sacred space…” – Yarana Chandar
“Wauw, wat jullie neerzetten maakt 1+1 zelfs 5!!!“ – Manon Jansen
“Terugkijkend, maar vooral voelend, denk ik: qua kracht en diepte en zorg is het uniek wat je neerzet/jullie neerzetten. De zorg en bedding is ongekend (…)” – Liselotte Hennekam
June 2017 begins for me with a Bufo Ceremony that catapults me straight into the Source…! I’ve Never seen something as Light and Beautiful and I see my full potential- which is so huge that it blinds me. But… it also shows me some darkness, based on some events that happened in May, that scares me deeply and will haunt me for months!
Right after that I guided a Womb Wisdom Retreat, which was hard work, this one. And in the end of June I went to France to spend a month with my Kaula Tantra Family in the Pyrenees Mountains, as every summer. Before it started I guided a Womb Wisdom Ritual for women in the South of France. It’s beautiful how my work is expanding to other countries, Belgium, Wales, France, Portugal. I feel blessed.
Normally the time with my Kaula family can’t be long enough, but this time… I felt so incomplete without my beloved. After two weeks I decided to go home and be with him.
We spent the rest of July and a big part of August 2017 picking the seeds of stinging nettles, camping with the children of my beloved and their sweet mother, strolling through medicinal gardens, sleeping in tents and castles. At the end of July we bring a Shamanic Sound Healing Concert and a Tantric Sacred Union Ritual, guided with live music by Hans, at the Open Up Festival for big groups of people. We hang around longer than planned, spending some beautiful resting days with guitar and medicine plants near the river and relaxing with friends. And in the end of August I bring two Womb Wisdom Rituals and give Shamanic Tantra Sessions at both editions of the Lorelei Woman Festivals.
In September 2017 I guide a ‘Daughters of the Moon’-ceremony for Mother’s and their daughters between 7 and 10 years old, because the more these young women learn to honor, respect, understand, love and care for themselves and the magic of their amazing bodies, the more capable they will be to step strongly forward on their paths as young women.
I also have a couple of meetings with estate agents, orienting about selling my house. I have been longing to move out of the city for long and now my beautiful son Milan will soon turn 18 the time draws nearer. For years I was dreaming of even leaving the country, but with a new Dutch partner with small children that seems impossible since I don’t want to go far from him. We even started dreaming on creating our own place to live and work together, with enough space to truly create what we feel we can bring, but now gets sometimes out of flow because of lack of space, all the in- and unpacking and traveling that we are doing in the current situation. We send our prayers in the Universe that we may manifest our ‘Casa Medicina’ in 2018.
We keep giving Sacred Cacao and Sound Medicine Ceremonies on regular basis, in which we work with the Tobacco Juice, Rapé, Medicinal Oil and Blue Lotus as well. And we guide another Ayahuasca Retreat.
In the end of September we were supposed to go to Italy for workshops and ceremonies but it was cancelled due to personal problems of the organiser. Since we’d already bought our tickets we change it into holiday time on the beautiful island of Elba, a very needed and welcomed open space in our busy lives.
In October 2017 I guide a special edition of the Womb Wisdom Retreat in Portugal. It has a very different program than the regular retreat, maybe because there is much less of a program and more open space for the woman to sink in themselves and fall deeply into their own healing gifts. We spend beautiful days in our Sacred Tipi, full of healing, rituals, singing and Plant Medicine. I feel very blessed that Yvon, the beautiful mother of my beloved’s star children joins the retreat and for the close relationship we have.
In the end of October I organised an Ayahuasca Retreat with another shaman that I worked with a lot, and this time my great music teacher Arturo is joining. I feel very grateful to introduce the participants to his heart-opening music and for the music that he, Hans and I create together. We even give a special concert for My Kaula family, and again I feel so grateful that I can introduce him to them.
Amidst all this beauty, this is also a time of big confrontations… a series of events happen that make me very sad, but again I feel it is needed on my path with Purity. In the end it leaves me surrounded with the pure, dedicated, loving people.
In November 2017 I meet Maestro Heberto. He is an amazing healer, good singer and humble Maestro. After two ceremonies with him I decide to go for an apprenticeship with him in Peru, this is where I will start my new year on the very 1st of January 2018.
On the 19th, my son Milan Makatiani Matasyo turns 18 years old. Quite a milestone for both of us. He just started his study Event Management. I am proud how he finds his own winding Path in this life.
The end of November Hans and I guide another beautiful Ayahuasca retreat and right after Hans has a knee operation, making me his dedicated nurse for a week. I enjoy taking care of him and cooking the nice stuff. It finally makes me creative in the kitchen again – after doing so much catering some years ago I was done cooking, it seemed. But in fact, I love cooking when I have the time.
Just before I leave to Peru in December 2017, we give a special Sacred Cacao Ceremony for our ‘Casa Medicina Family’: the people that support and assist in our ceremonies and retreats. It’s beautiful to bring these people together, feel the support and dedication to our work and thank them.
Unfortunately I have to cancel the last day of the year training just before I go, because of the snow. The night before I leave we spend with my Kaula Family. I feel more than happy, listening to the wisdom of Mama Pema, while resting in the arms of my beloved.
Then comes the moment to say goodbye for a while… I’m going to Peru for three months of doing Master Plant Dietas and learning with New Maestros and my beloved only comes in the beginning of February 2018! It’s quite a challenge and yet we both feel it’s good to fall back into our own centre for a while, after this intense year together.
I do a very strong Master Plant Dieta with Noya Rao in Silence, under the guidance of a Shipibo Maestra. I receive a lot of healing, many visions, new icaros and complete downloads of beautiful work we may do in the time to come. I shared quite a lot of that in the last days, on Facebook as well as in blogs on my website.
And now… it is ‘Old Years Day’. I’m alone in the jungle city of Pucallpa, contemplating about my last year. Counting my blessings and feeling what I’m going nourish in the next year to make it grow even bigger and what to leave behind in 2017.
On the morning of January the 1st I’ll fly to Iquitos, where Maestro Heberto will pick me up. At his place deep in the jungle I will start my year, learning even more about Healing with the plants. I’m tremendously looking forward to that!
I wish all of you all the magic in the coming year. Myself as well. Plus… our home ‘Casa Medicina’. Let’s do it!
Much love, Yama